I had just spent a week with my sister and her family in TN, just outside Nashville, away from my three beautiful babes and I was anxious to get home. Got to the airport super early (I do NOT like rushing or being late for things), went through security, found a Starbucks (SCORE!), accidentally moseyed on out of the departure zones, and was told I had to repeat the process. Seriously, I was not even a full foot past the 'NO REENTRY' sign, but I went out (finished my Cold Brew) and started over.
This is a pretty good example of who I am on a 'normal' basis. I'm a little spacey, but mostly because I've come to really learn the art of contentment and just being; I get a lot of joy from sitting around, sipping my coffee, watching people, and doing not a lot more.
BUT LATELY...
I recently finished nursing school; nursing is a career I've chosen because I LOVE it. I stinkin' love it. But something happened in nursing school that is completely inexplicable unless you've experience something similar: I became unrecognizable to myself. It's not as if I hated the experience, in fact, I made some life-long friends during the process, but I became this weird nursing student with SUPER cloudy goals. I began the process with a clear vision on what God had called me to do: I was MADE to be in hospice care. I met exactly one other person in school who wanted to do hospice and basically everyone else's response was "really?" It's not that anyone meant harm, but it's REALLY hard to explain to people why you want to care for the dying; you have to be given a very specific passion. But all that got lost pretty early on in my schooling; somewhere along the lines, I'd decided I was going to be a nurse at a hospital working weekends and nights to make the MOST amount of money in the SMALLEST amount of time in order to pay my debt off. That meant an internal agreement to take the first job available, miss out dates with my husband (I figure we'll have them someday), give up full weekends with my kids, & relinquish any social life I gave up for school that I may retrieve after finishing. And I was okay with it.
Fast forward after school to May of this year and you all know the deal: I became a Beachbody coach, completely changed my health, and still haven't shut up about it. But something SO MUCH BIGGER has been in the works; in under three months, I've gotten to like myself again. I finally decided that it was okay that struggled with post partum depression, it was okay that I barely passed one of my courses in nursing school, it was okay that I didn't have the cleanest house on the block (or in the state), and it was really okay that I didn't have the best body. It wasn't as if I became a coach and magically I was happier, but Beachbody suggests that each coach be active in his/her own personal development; this means, on top of working out and eating right, that we SHOULD be reading books or watching webinars on developing ourselves
mentally & emotionally as well. For me, personal development primarily means spending time with the Lord. I have become more immersed in The Word and all of the reading I do about being successful is really a supplement to it and reinforces what I already know: God is good and He is for me.
You might be like "um, okay," but let's go back to me sitting on the plane on my short flight home. I was reading a book called
The Success Principles which has several mini self-challenges in it and the one I'd just finished reading was about stopping, turning your brain off, and listening. I challenged myself to just listen to what God was telling me and to stop thinking about how I was going to get there ALL THE TIME.
And then it hit me.
I suddenly remembered WHY I started nursing school in the first place (hospice) and WHY I decided I would be a good Beachbody coach (because I love encouraging + motivating people) and what my ultimate goal is: to live a purpose-filled life serving others while being a present and available wife and mom. Even better, I began to put the pieces together as to WHY things had happened over the last few months: I chose Beachbody coaching literally days after I graduated nursing school, I started focusing on my heart more & stopped trying to control everything, I failed the NCLEX even though I had really great connections all but guaranteeing me that hospital job as soon as a passed, I'd read countless devotionals that have specifically guided me through the 'stuff' I've been dealing with, and I'd learned what I'm good at, what I'm passionate about, & how those gifts can be used to make much of God.
So why am I telling you this? I legitimately believed the phrase "everything happens for a reason" was a complete cop-out until a month ago; I thought it was something people said to make other people feel better about failures, missteps, and bad choices.
BUT GOD...
God used these moments over the last two years to shape me, form me, mold me, and remind me that I'm His. I haven't persevered because I'm some crazy super human, but because God wanted me to. I cannot even tell you the number of times I was ready to quit school and decide I just couldn't do it or the number of times in my moments of frustration & anger that I've doubted my ability to be a mother.
So, the cool thing is, I know now that I'm on the right path. I don't feel any internal conflict about my purpose with Beachbody or what I'll do after I pass the NCLEX.
So much relief. It's crazy what happens when you let the One who can actually control things ... control things.