Assumptions.

We all know what they say about assumptions, right?

I've noticed just in the last week just HOW MUCH we assume in general.  I am not excluding myself from this, but it's been weighing on me heavily and I know I will be much more aware of it going forward.

So, here's my big PSA about it (and a lot of vague pronouns to follow - sorry grammar friends):

Stop assuming a person who posts about how much they love their spouse is hiding something. 

Stop assuming a person who takes a selfie is vain/insecure/fill in the blank.

Stop assuming a person who is overweight eats crap all the time.

Stop assuming a person in pain probably just wants medications.

Stop assuming that a person who chooses optimism is fake.

Stop assuming that a person who gets government assistance is lazy.

Stop assuming the worst in everyone.

We could ALL use a little more grace in our lives and we could CERTAINLY all be a little more graceful.

Storms.

 

In the last couple of months, I've entered a season of 'life storms.'  I share the details with a VERY select few and it's not because I want everyone to think my life is perfect, but because I know prayer & faith are what I need as opposed to advice and judgment.  Yesterday, I had a slow morning and ALMOST skipped out on church, but I've found that the times I want to ditch church are the times I need I the most, so I packed my van full of kids and went.  And, as usual, the message tore me up in the best way possible.

 

We read through the calming of the storm.  The disciples are all freaking out, naturally, trying to get the water out of the boat and Jesus is sleeping.  So, they wake him up and say, "don't you CARE if we die?"  Jesus' response was not "of course I care.  My bad."  His response was: "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?"

 

In my own life, when things seems hard or I get really down, I am (slowly, but surely) realizing that it's because I am lacking the faith that is required of me.  I start to get all "WHY ME?!" and tend to think that I have done my part in this relationship with Christ enough to at least get a pass on the really hard stuff.  I was reminded this Sunday that Jesus died on the cross for me - I am owed NOTHING.

 

The BIG takeaway for me was that Jesus was there; he was there, IN the boat, WITH them the whole time.  He never left, he never abandoned, and he never worried.

 

I want to encourage you today with whatever storm you're going through that you aren't alone.  Yes, it will hurt and, yes, it will be hard, BUT if you believe in Jesus Christ and have that faith that so may of us are lacking, you are weathering this storm with the Creator of the universe.

 

You're in good hands.

Choosing Love.

Facts:  A marriage does not stand the test of time because two people are good looking.  It doesn't last because two people have a lot of money to do all the things they want to do.  A marriage doesn't thrive because two people have kids that are obedient and sleep through the night.  A relationship with your kids isn't 'good' because you buy them the latest stuff or sacrifice a job to be home with them.

A relationship will outlast all the rest when it is rooted in Christ.  I KNOW I got some eye rolls there because I used to be the biggest eye roller when it came to this; what does it even mean when a relationship is rooted in Christ? 

I used to think that if two people were believers, that was enough to sustain a marriage.  I found over time that it wasn't; my faith alone wasn't enough to stop me from saying the things that would hurt my husband the most, it wasn't enough to keep me from feeling unloved and unnoticed.  I used to think that being a 'good parent' meant taking my kids to church, staying home with my kids & providing their basic daily needs; I found that being a mom who talked about Jesus, but got annoyed or frustrated when my kids wanted to tell me a story or lost my temper when they weren't being 'good' showed them more about the conditions my love had than anything else.

Believing in Jesus is life altering and is the 'thing' that ignites my soul every day, but until our belief shapes the way we act, the way we think, and the way we treat other people, it's dead.  I'm not talking about loving your spouse because he got you flowers or washed the dishes or told you how beautiful you are; I'm talking about loving the spouse that didn't notice you did you hair and put on make up for him, forgets to say thank you when you work hard to make him breakfast, and leaves his dirty clothes in the corner of the bedroom.  I'm not talking about loving the child that cleans his room, does well in school, & is obedient; I'm talking about loving the child who has screamed all day, thrown food all over the floor, and had ANOTHER accident in his pants.

It's not hard to extend love to people who serve our desires or who give us the warm fuzzies and recognizing love as more than a feeling is a great place to start.  In John 3:16, we learn how MUCH God loves

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

in 1 John 3:16-18, we learn how God wants us to love.

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.  If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person?  Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.

STOP talking about how much you love people and START showing it.  Love your kids?  Show them.  Sit with them, talk to them, be patient with them.  And when they drive you up a stinkin' wall, sit with them more, talk with them more, and be more patient.  Love your spouse?  Show him/her, too.  Sit next to him/her on the couch even when it's boring, ask him/her how the day was, buy him/her a cup of coffee (ALWAYS a safe bet).  And when he/she is being the absolute worst and is completely unlovable, lay it on harder.

Choose love.  Every day and even more on the hardest days.

Why I Will No Longer Cling to My Plans.

 

So, I revealed back in August that I failed the NCLEX.  If you don't know, it's the test graduate nurses take to obtain licensure in the state they plan to work.  It was a BIG deal to me and is a BIG deal to every nurse coming out of school. 

I remember sitting down at that test, answering the first five questions and immediately saying some not nice things under my breath.  I KNEW before I actually found out that there was no way I was going to pass that thing; I wasn't prepared, I focused way too much on content and not enough of prioritization.  My confidence after those first five questions went down the drain and continued to plummet in the few months leading up the next test.

When I got the news that I failed (which came with $250 price tag to retest - DOUBLE WHAMMY), I was crushed.  I knew the test didn't define me and I knew I was going to get back up and take it again, but it sucked.  I cried every night for several weeks, questioned my ability to be a nurse, and wondered what the last several years of school were even for.

BUT GOD...

I can't describe the transformation that has come over the last few months; when I sat for the exam the first time, I prayed to pass, when I sat for the exam the second time, I prayed that God would reveal His plan for my life no matter what the outcome was.  Have you ever wondered the extent to which you trust God?  Give Him the thing you cling to most and see how much you trust His sovereignty; give Him your children, your spouse, your career, & your finances without trying to control the outcome. 

That kind of trust is something I've never experienced.  I've been a Christian my entire adult life, but I've also been an anxious person most of my life; "what if" has been a life motto of mine and it's controlled my life for much longer than I'd like to admit.  I also went through a YOLO period time, which I think anyone who knew me then would agree was not any better.

It seems ridiculous, but giving up that need to control the future, that need to KNOW the future, & trusting the greater plan is easily the most freeing experience of my life.  Failing the NCLEX could've crippled me; by worldly standards, it should've brought me to a really LOW low.  But it didn't. 

And that had nothing to do with me.

What I'm not saying: being upset, frustrated, or disappointed aren't normal feelings.  THEY ARE.  Truth:  if I had failed a second time, this post would not have come as quickly and my acceptance of God's will would have taken a little longer.  Also true: what's meant to be will.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 29: 11-13

Inadequacies v. Truth

I set my alarm to go off during the week at 6am; it went off this morning and I hit snooze a million times until an entire hour had passed of me putting off the day.

I wasn't just tired this morning, but had no desire to really be a part of society; I could've stayed in bed all day if that was an option.  Soon after I'd hit snooze for the 10th time, Emmy started crying, so my daydreams about sleeping all day pretty quickly vanished and I had to go get her and start the day.

I wasn't ready.  I wasn't ready to change two diapers, make breakfast, let Bella out and back in again (100 times before I realized she was just waiting for her treat), brush my teeth, or get dressed.  I wasn't ready to rush out the door, barely making it to the bus stop ... AGAIN...and go to the store before the rain came.  I just wasn't ready for life.

The last couple of weeks have had me in a big slump.  It's hard for me to explain it, but I've thought a lot about my inadequacies and what they mean.  I have days where my kids do nothing but sleep and watch TV because I just don't feel like entertaining them. I have days where I STILL can't believe I failed the NCLEX and I question my ability to be a nurse.  I have days where I eat like crap and put off working out until the last minute where I go through the motions, not pushing myself to really work up a sweat, just to say I did it.  I think about my marriage and question whether I'm able to really fulfill my husband's needs and whether or not he's able to fulfill mine.  I have nights where I have to drink a glass of wine to turn my brain off and fall asleep; when that doesn't work I pray and plead until I'm so exhausted, my body just crashes and eventually falls asleep.

And I cry.  I cry a lot because I do a lot of 'fake it 'til you make it' throughout the day, not because I'm scared people will know things aren't perfect, but because I believe STRONGLY that my children shouldn't have to experience 'adult problems' and, while I know I can't protect them forever, I CAN protect them now.  It's my job to protect them now.

And just when I feel really alone in this, I remind myself there are probably a million other people who do the same thing; a million other people out there feeling alone and inadequate and unable to handle life.  We have to remember that the enemy is a LIAR.  He wants us to believe that we can't do the things we've been called to do and he wants us to believe that we're alone and undeserving of love.

Today, if you're going through a season of unknown and struggling to have faith that this time will serve as an incredible testimony to God's faithfulness in your life, I am praying for you.  I don't know the needs of all my friends, but God does.  I don't know who needs to hear this message today (besides me), but God does.

You have purpose and you are loved.


¹⁶ I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, ¹⁷ so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, ¹⁸ may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, ¹⁹ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Ephesians 3:16-19

Motivational Monday - Live YOUR Purpose. No one else can.

It's NOT About What I Know.

Type a sentence, erase it.

Type a paragraph, erase that.

Type a letter, go on ahead and erase that, too.

Sometimes Often, I feel the Spirit calling me to share my experiences with others, but I have NO IDEA how to start writing about it, let alone TALKING about it.  I fumble my words, I delete my thoughts, and sometimes I just ignore that pulling at my heart to just be led by the Spirit.

Today, as I cleaned up Play-Doh (the toy of the enemy) all over the kitchen floor, paint supplies scattered in my front yard, cleaned the kitchen, made lunch, & cleaned it again, I realized that it just isn't about what I know.  I don't have to have the most parenting experience and I don't have to have read every John Piper book to know that I have been equipped with the just the right amount of 'stuff' to touch someone else.

I know a mom's heart & I know that many of you feel like what you're doing is fruitless; whether you're like me and you're in a constant state of picking up after others or you've been placed in a job where it seems like NOTHING you do matters, it does.  You have to know that you've been placed where you are for a reason and things have been designed in your life by the greatest Designer.  You have a purpose.

A couple of nights ago, I came out of my bedroom from working out and showering to find that the living room was COVERED in flash cards, books, coloring books, etc.  I had just cleaned up before I left the room (and a million other times the day), so I was less than happy to come out to the mess.  I raised my voice, reprimanded the kids, and almost cried...OVER A DIRTY LIVING ROOM.

Then I felt a like a jerk.  Guess what?  The house was GOING to be a mess again the next day (every 10 minutes) and I was GOING to have to clean up again anyway, but sometimes it seems so pointless to clean up at all.  I went to bed, prayed about it, and this is what came to mind:

Everything we do has meaning, purpose, & value so long as we do it to bring glory to God.

It's somewhere in the Bible. 

I didn't want to share this story because I kept thinking "who am I to preach on this to a bunch of people when I can't even remember WHERE this comes from in the Bible?"  and "who am I to tell a bunch of ladies to use their housework to glorify God when I still grumble sometimes when I pick up clothes scattered around the house?"

Then I realized it's not about what I know.  It's about WHO I know. 

I've since Google'd the verse (1 Corinthians 10:31), but I realized it doesn't matter how many verses I have memorized or how many times I have to remind myself of my purpose; I am able to give you encouragement right now to recognize that, even in the seemingly insignificant, mundane daily tasks, God is at work.

He qualifies the called, right?  That's somewhere in the Bible, too.

Matthew 28:20

Ever felt like things just aren't going the way YOU planned?  Or it's just one little storm after the other?

God has used SO MANY of these moments to bring me back to Him and trust His promise to me that He's ALWAYS there.  Sometimes we get so caught up in our own goals and our own plans that we don't realize that there's a better plan at work.

Be encouraged, friends!

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